Escape
by Lanie M
Summary: [Shounen ai] Response to Suegarbaby's fic request for HanaRu day.


_Notes: As promised, an answer to Suegarbaby-san's HanaRu Day fic request ^__^ *grins* ~ A sappy, angsty fic using the lyrics of Enrique Iglesias' 'Escape'…_

_I wrote this in a real hurry… didn't check through, didn't edit it…_

_To make a long story short, this fic is by far the worst fic I've written -_-" Honestly, it sucks… no storyline, weird dialogue, extreme OOCness…_

_But then again, Suegarbaby-san requested a sappy fic… so… *shrugs again* ^_^" _

_To be honest, I struggled to try and write this, 'cause I didn't think the lyrics were suitable…_

_Maa maa… *shrugs* I love this pairing too much ^_^ *laughs* _

_So in advance, HAPPY HANARU DAY!! ^.^ *bounces away into the distance*_

ESCAPE 

  
_You can run, you can hide_

_But you can't escape my love_

All I can hear is the sound of my breathing and my heavy footsteps on the marble floor.  My strenuous panting, accompanied by the desperation evident in the booming beats of my heart.

Please, I beg, trying my best to breathe.  Please…

I look around me, my vision blurred by tears.

And my feet root to the spot as I listen to the sounds of my heart sinking deep down beneath my gut.

And all of a sudden, I'm struck with the blatant truth of it all.

He's gone.

My eyes scan the crowds filing around me once again, as if refusing to succumb to the raw facts.

But deep down inside me I know.

It's too late.

I feel like screaming, like getting down on my knees and tearing the world down with me, begging for him to return or for a chance to do anything for just one more second in his presence.

One part of me almost laughs, because I know perfectly well that nothing like that will ever happen again.

Because it's too late.

He's gone.

Sobs uncontrollably escape me as my legs give way, my bones as heavy as my heart.

I kneel on the floor of this cold, cruel airport, my head buried in my hands.

Here's how it goes, you and me, up and down at this time 

_We'll get right, when to fight_

_'Cause love is something you can't shape_

_When it breaks_

_All it takes is some trying_

I wince at the enormous pain pulsing through my veins and suppress the urge to scoff.

I hate myself.

The Tensai, eh? A Tensai who would cry like a wimp, a Tensai who would fall for someone completely forbidden and out of reach.  A Tensai who would turn out … gay.

A Tensai who would watch the person he loved leave … and yet not do anything about it.

A Tensai who would know what he was feeling, but refuse to admit it.

Ha.  A Tensai indeed.

I can feel my body shaking with the ironic cruelty of it all.

I hate myself.

Why was it so hard for me to admit it?  To admit it before … before it was too late.

To admit that I didn't hate him, to admit that I had fallen for him – that I had fallen under his spell, just as so many others had.  To admit that he had become a vital part of my life, an irreplaceable part of my universe – that he still is all this.

To admit that I simply can't last a day without him.  That I can't live without him.

Why was it so hard?

And now I won't ever see that moonlight-chiselled face of his again, those ice-blue eyes of his again.

Just because I was a coward.  Not only gay, but a coward as well.

Just because I couldn't bring myself to say it.  To admit it.

We had something.

There was something else - hidden by bouts of quarrelling and insults, hidden by the stubborn scorn we always seemed to share – but something else nonetheless.

We had something.  I know we did.

Maybe we just didn't realize it.  Maybe we were blinded by the ups and downs of what we shared.

We had something.

… Didn't we?

If you feel like leaving 

_I'm not gonna make you stay_

_Soon you'll be finding_

_You can run, you can hide_

_But you can't escape my love_

_You can run, you can hide_

_But you can't escape my love_

And then it strikes me with more force than ever.

And I sit still, ceasing to move or breathe for a silent moment in time.

Maybe it was all my imagination.

Maybe we never had something, we never shared anything.

Maybe it was just my desperation playing tricks on me.

Maybe there was never anything more than hatred and irritation when he looked at me with those crystal eyes of his.

Maybe he never - never once - thought of me in the same way as I thought of him.

And now, for the first time, I understand it with the clarity of glass.

He never loved me.

It was just my abnormal love for him that subconsciously put dreams in my head, that distorted reality and all things I saw before me.

It was just me all along.  Me and my delusional patheticness.

Now I understand.

I try to swallow the anguish that is gushing up in my throat.

But, as if mocking me for one final time, reality won't allow me to retain this last piece of my dignity.

I inhale and immediately break down on the spot.

So if you go 

_You should know_

_It's hard to forget the past so fast_

_It was good, it was bad but it was real_

_And that's all you get in the end of the matter_

Was anything ever real?  Was it all my imagination?

All those times he looked at me with that unreadable expression in his eyes, all those times I caught him speechless and staring at me … were all those times nothing but naïve imaginings?

I don't understand.

And now he's left me, alone and abandoned, without a clue of what to do next.

Everything about my life … has been a lie.

Where do I go from here?

My muffled sobs are all that ring in my ears.  I don't know where I am anymore.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

And before I know what's happening, the words are escaping my lips like water flowing downstream.

"How could you, kitsune?

"How could you … Rukawa?

"How could you leave me like this… how could you?"

I choke frantically and try to breathe, tears drowning me; blocking my sight and hearing.

"How could you make me believe … that you loved me?

"How could you make me love you?"

I close my eyes and wish I would vanish, right here, right now.

If you feel like leaving 

_I'm not gonna make you stay_

_Soon you'll be finding_

_You can run, you can hide_

_But you can't escape my love_

_You can run, you can hide_

_But you can't escape my love_

And then something light and gentle brushes past the side of my cheek.

"Oi." 

I freeze instantly and look up.

Everything around us – the hustle and bustle of the crowds, the final calls of the loudspeakers, the laughing and wailing of children, families, businessmen – it all gets mixed up with the deep, rhythmic sound of his voice, the glowing whiteness of his skin, the raven black of his hair, the sapphire blue beauty of his eyes.

And suddenly, nothing exists but the two of us, looking silently into one another's eyes.

"Kitsune?" I whisper, tears still streaming down my face.

"Don't cry, do'aho." I hear him reply, slowly wiping my tears away.

My cheeks tingle under his touch.

"You … you came back." I breathe in disbelief, my lips breaking into a smile.

He looks at me.

I watch wordlessly as something very much like a tear trickles down his cheek.

"Of course…" he says.  "of course I came back, do'aho."

I open my mouth to speak but hesitate when he places two fingers across my lips.

"Hanamichi…" he whispers.

For the first time in my life, I marvel at the sound of my own name – simply because it's coming from his lips.

Tears won't stop flowing from my eyes.

The dream-like sight of his smile renders me speechless.

"I'm sorry …"

His voice shakes, and he looks down, closes his eyes, then grasps my chin lightly with his fingers.

"I was scared … I thought I could escape somehow … 

"But I didn't know I would make you cry…

"And I'm sorry …

"Because I didn't know you loved me …

"And I didn't know … how much I loved you…"

I catch the tears falling from his eyes and trace them with my fingers.

"I'll never leave you again, do'aho…" he chokes.  "I promise…

"I'll never try to escape again…"

He leans forward and places his lips on mine.

Immediately everything spirals into one.

I'm losing myself in his scent, his warmth, his tenderness – in everything that I had originally grown to hate but subconsciously grown to love.

It is possible to vanish in someone else's kiss?

It feels as if I've never seen the sky.

I never knew that losing yourself could ever feel this close to Heaven.

His hand slides down my back and I lean against his chest, laughing breathlessly.

"I love you, do'aho…"

I smile and blink away my tears.

And for the first time in his presence, I don't feel the need to answer back. 

I brush his hair away from his eyes and lean in towards him once again.

Here's how it goes 

_All it takes is some trying_

_You can run, you can hide_

_But you can't escape my love_

End Notes: *cringes* ~_~ I hate this fic… I hate it… Do you? *laughs* Tell me what you think… 

_I took up this fic request and then started to regret it a few hours later, realizing that to fit an angsty storyline in with these lyrics wouldn't be easy… so I've ended up with a songfic that tells a story irrelevant to the song lyrics -_-" *sighs heavily* Ah well… I promised to do this fic, so I did… ^_~"_

_Okay that's it, I better stop babbling… ^.^_

_Lastly… just in case I won't be here to celebrate with all of you guys… *laughs*_

_HAPPY HANARU DAY!! *throws confetti into the air*_

_*looks at calendar* Actually it's currently the 8th… but that's okay… I'm doing this in advance… kekekke.. ^.~_

_So…see ya guys…_

_[I'mma develop a better fic for Ruhana day… since I like the pairing that way more… ^_^ *grins*]_

_Till we meet again… *waves*_

_Good luck y'all!_

_~Lanie~_

_8/10/2002_


End file.
